Today's Bush hash was an extraordinary event, not only because it was Charlie Manson's 50th birthday hash, but also because it gave the opportunity for the American Bush hashers to once again express their natural born world leadership capabilities... but alas, I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Bush Hash bus riders were ready to board the bus promptly at 13:00 which translates to 13:30 Thai time.

At the trail head we split into two groups; Walking Wankers or Fat Bastards in one group and Real Hashers in the other group.

The Real Hashers took off up the trail winding our way through bush and brambles, down wrong turns and off-trail twigs. We Looped ever upwards and gained altitude while climbing over dales and trenches. The Americans let the Norwegian’s get ahead and blaze trail thus helping the Norgie’s overcome their poorly developed low self-esteem. The Brits held back behind the Americans taking their natural mid-pack position which they've been comfortable with ever since losing their colonial empire eons ago. The Aussies, being somewhat of a lost tribe, having received their independence from New Zealand only a generation ago, gathered behind the Brits not wanting to appear ostentatious. The lesser unimportant nations such as the Canadians, Belgian’s, French’s, Germans and other two bit dictatorship and socialist countries stayed far in the rear; one could call this pack positioning "the natural order of nations".

Coming to the check points made with Scandia coloured spray paint, the Americans, who never lost a war, took the directorship role at each check point and sent the Norwegians out on detail to search and destroy the false trails. In the old days we called this "slave labour" but in the modern day of political correctness we now call this "Time for Americans to tie their shoelaces and have a piss, while the Norgie’s find trail."

Pussy Virus, Rusty Ringhole, and Smelly Bastard all performed their jobs with spirit and vigour as designated "check it outer’s". GI Joe having a "bad heart" due to it being broken a dozen times, held back with the other American making sure the less important nations could keep up and not fall too far behind. We Americans are used to carrying the "wee bit" nations on our shoulders...no worries Diz, glad to help out.

Having made it to water stop, the Hares; Tampax, Charlie Manson, Ringworm, and Big Nose Bastard had plenty of drink awaiting. Without further ado, we took up our pack positions once again for another hour of field climbing and pace set jogging. The second half of the trail was just as challenging as the first half but with a lot more shiggy. Jellobutt came in first to the beer truck (even running with a blister the size of a 10 baht coin) and as he was being congratulated by the hares he explained that the hash was not a race and therefore no need for any hyperbole or flattery. It's just bad taste boys, that’s all.

GM Tampax calls the hash in for circle and prizes are given out to those who collected the "bullets" on trail. Since only the Americans found all the bullets, they secretly handed them out to the citizens of the lesser nations so that they can feel a sense of "achievement and inclusion".  When they collected their prizes handed out by Charlie Manson and company, we all witnessed their collective glee and broadening hearts. Ah,... the pleasure of getting something for nothing...just like real life.

We ended this Bush hash at MULLIGANS RESTAURANT where the buffet of food was a plenty and live music provided a festive spirit. Hashers gave Charlie Manson his birthday song and kept drinking far after the bus riders went back to Pattaya at 10:00pm. The American hashers having once again successfully brought the pack in from the bush wilds quietly traced their way back home, knowing once again the world was safe and sound, at least until the next Bush run.

On On
J. Butt