Here we are gathered in the Pattaya backwoods for Bush run 108, Tampax being the nice guy he is, has asked yours truly to do the run report, hard to do that from the very back of the pack, so here goes.
The pack sets off and within minutes I get the De Ja Vue feeling, i've been here before, then again VV is one of today's hares, and after setting literally 1,000's of runs for the Pattaya hashing community, it's bound to happen.
Any way, On On we go, still relatively in contact with the mid field am I, several early checks keeping the pack relatively adjacent, and the Zig Zag nature of the trail offering the SCB's and back markers opportunity to catch up. Only the booming voice of GI Joe can be heard calling, the rest of the FRB's obviously have laryngitis, pushing on, I find myself following a delightful sight, that being the rear end of TADPOLE, meanwhile I can still here JOE calling away to my right, but TADPOLE, HASH HASH and DRUNKEN DOUGHNUT'S unnamed lady are heading off to the left, stopping a little off trail, to listen a little harder to Joe's calls, I find myself standing on a broken check, pointing off to the right, after following paper for a short while to ensure I wasn't on an FT, I begin calling loudly so the others, maybe, can realise the error of their ways, that being yakking to much and not paying attention to where their going.
Now completely alone on trail, nothing new for me, I suddenly come across one of our hares on trail, the conniving VV, gotta watch those frogs, tells me I am seeing things and I should just keep going. On On I go, still calling in the hope that the others may still catch up, I find myself at a check, that kind of points nowhere, in the time it takes me to find paper, the others have finally caught up, and TADPOLE finds paper and away we go, after the lead changing a few times, amongst us BM's, due to poorly broken checks, we find ourselves at a road with no paper to be seen, TADPOLE being the deadly serious hasher she is, goes back looking for paper and finds trail running parallel to the dirt road through the Cassava, being the slack bastard that I am, I decide to take the road closely followed by the others, up ahead is Phillipe and one of his daughters, suddenly that De Ja Vue feeling is back and I take a stab in the dark as to where the drink stop is, bingo, got in one, meanwhile we have managed, inadvertently, to miss out on an apparently savage hill climb and beat half of the pack into the drink stop.
After a refreshment stop with a delightful fruit punch VV had prepared, (later to be told it was spiked with Vodka and other assorted pick me up's) the pack is off, it's been 15 minutes since I got in and TADPOLE still hasn't arrived, glad I took the road now, the hares provide us with a short, shortcut that will help us catch up with the FRB's a little, soon a small group of us back markers, which included the usually front running MRS HEAD, have come across another confusingly broken check and we have no idea in which direction trail is, so we head off down a dirt road in the firm belief that we will come across paper, we did eventually, about 2 or 3 km's from the check, none the less, some of us are very familiar with the area and are not concerned about getting lost, finally after more than 2 ½ hrs after leaving the A site I arrive back, almost everyone is back except for poor TADPOLE, who is undoubtedly alone on trail, and a couple of the other cracks who must have originally been with the FRB's.
Joint GM TAMPAX calls the circle to order and hands over to the RA HASH HASH who promptly ices the Hares SPAGETTI HEAD and V.V because they have failed in their duties, as there is no ice in the bucket, STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS arrives moments later, after apparently being sent on a mission to find ice as there is none left, apparently it's been used to make cocktails for the Norgy's during the run, while everyone else was sweating it out. STINKY SLOPPY SECONDS gets a seat in the bucket for his troubles, as does WEED EATER for being a big mouth.
Next it's the Virgins / first time Bush runners, Claude and his Crack and CAPTAIN KIRK, Claude being a non English speaking Frog, DRUNKEN DOUGHNUT is called on to translate for him from the bucket, to find out what he thought of the run.
SHEIK MEME on into the bucket for a discussion on the merits of black boxes in aircraft, as it seems MEME has crashed one, somewhere, sometime. It seems to be pick on the Frogs night, as Phillipe and his lovely daughters are asked to take a cold seat and explain what was in the backpack, his oldest daughter was carrying on the run, perhaps fine French wine and some tasty frogs legs for a picnic on trail ???????
Joint GM's MRS HEAD & TAMPAX are asked to take a seat on the ice throne, an inquisition as to who was responsible for some defamatory remarks about HASH HASH in the last run report on the website, after interjecting, PISSED POLE DANCER finds herself joining them, for being a dobber.
NORIEGA is next to feel the bite of the ice, HASH HASH claiming he is the ultimate sinner, having stolen slippers from a mosque during prayer time, money from the poor box in a Catholic Church and food left at Buddhist spirit house.
Time for some honours, LINGUINY WEENY 13 runs, SHEIK MEME 13 runs, RUSTY RINGHOLE 26 runs, VV 65 runs, all having reached various levels of Bush Master status and a special mention to the Statistical One RINGWORM for attaining 100 runs, I suddenly feel inadequate only having just completed my 2nd Bush run.
Time for THE TICKLER, former GM, to dish out some ice punishment, NO MEAT, STEPTOE & ARSAHOLIC, are iced for some obscure reason that escaped your scribe. Once again it's pick on the Frog's day, as all of them are iced for being whimps and hitting the panic button, on a recent Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Paris. HASH HASH, NORIEGA & FUCKING ALICE are bucketed or iced, for being Pot Head's, on the anniversary of the first person who was prosecuted in the US, for smoking the evil weed in 1948, christ I wasn't even born then. Assorted Bonanza look alike's are then brought to the ice, to celebrate the anniversary of the shows beginning in 1959, shit I was only 1 when that started.
WEED EATER'S turn to pick on the frogs, (I must watch the news more often, i've missed something) LINGUINY WEENY & CLAUDE iced for being total piss-heads and taking arm fulls of beer at each visit to the coolers (later resulting in the beer running out) DRUNKEN DOUGHNUT is iced for being a mis-guided faggot, and stuffing a water bottle down the back of his pants, instead of the front, thereby giving the illusion he had shit his pants, rather than the illusion he has a big pecker. Frogs in again, so what's wrong with singing the down down songs in some Mickey Mouse language, some people are hard to please. Back they come, communication problems this time, leaving the ice before being invited to do so, needs to be translated to Mickey Mouse for them.
In the mean time, FUCKING ALICE has had too much to drink and has done a reverse dive with a half twist and flop from her stool, no damage done, she's landed on her head. HASH HASH in the bucket for being a loud mouthed yank and talking over the RA, MEME on ice for yakking to much on trail, ODD JOB in the bucket for being a lazy bastard and using this run as a reccy for an upcoming run he is the hare for.
The piss is rapidly running out, so the circle is wrapped up after the last of the down downs are consumed
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