RUN: CVI
DATE: 11TH JULY YEAR 2009
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to our Fex News channel where we provide one sided information and let you decide.
Hi I am Gloria Bandidatus ( substitute any other Hispanic surname you can think off ) and we are here today to bring you a Fex News Extra from our local correspondent the Megaproboscidean who is in Thailand. For our viewers inside the United States , Thailand is a small insignificant country outside the USA which has a GDP slightly less than the average farmer in Ohio. Over to you Meg..
Thanks Gloria, welcome everybody to our Fex news extra , I am here in Thailand and at a strange event called the Pattaya Bush Hash , we are situated at a large lake in the hills not far from the sex tourist haven of Pattaya, now you may have heard of this area in previous stories about Gary Glitter, however there s no proven link between this group and Gary, …well other than today’s hares Drunken Donut and Bad Boy Buba.
We need to briefly leave this story as we have some Breaking News.
BREAKING NEWS: This is Woo Woo’s ball washer , I have been here now for 3.5 weeks outside Neverland Ranch , nothing at all has happened, back to you Gloria.
Thank you Woo Woo , so it’s back to Meg in Thailand, for viewers inside the United States this is a country that President Bush once described as a example of democracy that has always been a great neighbour of Australia.
Thank you Gloria, there were some concerns here as the hashers arrived and there were no Hares to give them instructions, however the newly appointed JM Tampax calmed everything down , got on the phone and found out that the hares were completely lost, which was good because so was the bus, eventually the bus arrived, having followed the HHH signs the wrong way.
Ringworm conducted the sign up , accurately taking the names, Just Les and Just Les signed up without giving their names so that nobody would know they were both radio operators ( night shift ) on the USS Nimitz which is currently working in a clandestine role off Japan.
It was baking hot probably about 34 degrees C which is 247 degrees F in real terms, Tampax the new JM gave valuable information to the Virgin runners, how he remembered all this is beyond me and the run was about to..
Once again have to interrupt this Fex news extra for some more Breaking News.
BREAKING NEWS: North Korea has launched two nuclear Missiles, one on Japan, and a second on Wales . A spokesman from Japan was quoted as saying “ oh for fuck’s sake not again”. Meanwhile in Wales Fex news has been able to interview the England Cricket Captain in Wales at the time of the attack, his comment was “ Bloody good shot by the Koreans, saved us in this test match, hope they are tuned in for the second Test, anyway it is nothing more than the Welsh deserve, I mean have you tasted their Beer” .
Back to you Meg on this Fex news extra from Thailand , which for viewers inside the United States is a country that uses Slave labour to make Nike running shoes forcing young woman to work for up to 8 hours a day in temperatures up to 36 degrees C ( 290 degrees F ) for the weekly wage equal to the cost of only a Big Mac, small Fries..and no Diet coke!!
Thanks Gloria. Off they went on the run, using crosses laid with paper to keep the people together they meandered around in a sort of trail, some ran some walked but all in a common direction, the trail weaved through the forest, though it was green and shady it was hot , the shade helped, as I walked through a wooded area there was this enormous thud as Ringworm made his fall of the day, fortunately without injury. The run progressed through dense forest, suddenly in the distance strange grunting noises as we approach a ranch, there are hundreds of live pigs all wearing these funny green paper masks in an effort to avoid H1N1, unfortunately the runners are exposed to any kind of virus which may have been floating around. Finally they reach the half way point and the hares there to provide water and for the over 60’s the end and a ride back on the sturdy beer truck, later it was to be revealed that the sturdy beer truck cannot carry people and all had to complete the run on foot
Oh for christ’s sake we have to take a break for more Breaking News.
BREAKING NEWS: The world seminar on Sexual behavior has just come to a conclusion in Miami and I have a delegate from this with me .Dr Holmes, can you inform our viewers from around the world what has been discussed over the last two days.
Dr Holmes : Well we have found out that there is one race of people that the men are… , well you know best , excuse me the largest, this was found to be the American Indians.
How surprising Dr , were there any other significant findings?
Dr Holmes: Yes there were, they found that the Greek men were able to give the most pleasure to their partners.
Thank you for that Dr Holmes, and it is back to you Gloria, this is Tonto Anayalopolis reporting from Miami.
OK back to you Meg, on the Fex news extra from Thailand which for our viewers in the United States is a country where they can legally cook food on the open streets and then eat it without fries or ketchup!
Thank you Gloria I will try to continue! The run now undulated on open tracks familiar to some, it entered a valley, took a turn to cross to the other side and finally after 2.5hours and approx 14 kilometers ( that is about 32 miles in real distance ) the lake was sighted and the cool shady A site, well done Hares , the last weary older guys actually made as discussion as how to rent a people carrier for next months run went on. Food was provided by one generous Lady free of charge.
I will have to interrupt this story was he have more fucking breaking fucking news from Neverland, Bollocks!!
Breaking News: Back to Neverland and over to you Woo Woo, Thanks Gloria, Micheal Jacksons son has just got back from School and I was able to have a quick word with, I asked him how he we feeling now?
Prince Micheal Jr : “ All right, at least I do not have to lock my door at night now”
Back to you Gloria.
Thanks Woo, so it back to our reporter in Thailand, for our viewers from the United States Thailand is a country where they can drink 5% proof Alcohol from open containers in Public Places without the risk of being arrested and imprisoned for 12 years.
Thank you Gloria, now if you please give me 5 min I will try to get this report concluded. Gary’s mate Drunken Donut was selling ladies Shirts to Men who were clearly Gay, it will come of no surprise to all of you back in the US that Drunken Donut is in fact French. Two large blocks of ice were placed on the ground along side a large black plastic Bucket ( to interrupt that is a pail ) , it was getting dark from nowhere a chandelier appeared to illuminate the entire circle. A great US citizen then took over, Mr. Tickler who brought in various members and made them sit with bare buttocks on the large blocks of ice and drink beer from plastic cups by the liter ( 87 fluid ounces ), the other Hare for the day Bad Boy Buba somehow allowed his raspberry to slip into the ice bucket, I believe it then automatically e mailed his entire mailing list with a photo of his bullocks.
At about Midnight the Tickler guy handed over the circle to the Joint Master who woke everybody up and called it a day. The point that I have been trying to eventually reach is that the Hares after drinking for 10 hours solid then got into there car and were going to drive away under the influence of Alcohol ( DUI can you imagine ) , I briefly interviewed the driver and asked if he was not worried about getting caught by the Police.
Ha he guffed, this is Thailand , if caught I will just bribe the cops, quite openly he admitted it. For more information on how to pay bribes please visit out Fex News web site at www.unitedstatessenatelobbyist.com
So it is back to you in the Studio Gloria.
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