Run Story By: The French Connection

1. The Bush 100th Run

Today I vas asked to write zee Bush Hash run report for zee 100th Bush run even though I am from France, a country that speaks many bizarre ancient languages long ago extinct. So, if my English is not so good, please excuse, si vous plait.

Zee hash bus pulls into zee "A" site called Horseshoe Point. That is a funny name because I did not see any horses, horseshoes, or points when I arrived, but I did get lots of free guava juice at the "A" site before zee run. Because it was free I loaded up my 4 thermos bottles so I could take some back to Pattaya and sell it on the street corner for 10 baht a cup. Now I don't have job in Pattaya so what can I do??

Many long time Bush hashers came for zee celebration of zee 100th run. Our joint GMs Tadpole and Tickler gathered zee circle together and zee various hares explained zee runs obstacles and paper trail. Just hearing about zee run made my gout hurt, Merde!!!!

The usual FRBs like Weedeater and No Meat took to zee trail like bursts of wind from a French behind, oolala. I hobbled along zee very slow fat hashers like GI Joe and Ringworm. Because I know all zee trails around Pattaya I planned to short cut with Seaman Stains and Bam Bam vhen zee gout makes me painful.

The pack goes up and down over zee hills and around zee fields. Many of zee trail fields were burned up from fires that reminded me of my home country Belgium after the Nazis came to visit us long ago. We came along many red checks in which zee FRB Jellobutt was very active to solve.

Vee come to zee water stop after more than 1 hour of running. After, we run some more. Many people like Ballringer, Miserable Cunt, Flying Frog, and Squeeze My Tube fall down into zee hash holes and make zee hash crash. I zee Festering Streaker and Spag head trying to short cut zee trail and ask me directions if I know. I lied and tell them to go zee wrong way. Very funny. I also zee Rumbleforskin and Wang King trying to be FRB but they are too old.

A long time later, with many good check points, Karamba and Jellobutt set the pace. But soon I hear a visitor from America, Dennis the Menance run very fast and become FRB.

After zee run at zee "C" site we have a little food and a lot of beer.
During zee circle I meet with my French friends and we talk together during zee entire time. We don't listen to zee crazy Aussies, Brits or Yanks making yak yak. I get very drunk. oolala.

Next we all go to a famous restaraunt and eat and drink some more. My head feels like it has gout now. Next zing I remember Rapid Bitch asks me if I can give him a ride to Boyz town after zee hash. He says his wife is in Bangkok now so no problem. So, what can I do?

And then 10 days later I remember I had to do something but I forgot. Oh yea, I have to write zis Bush Run Report. And so I do, I hope you enjoy.

ON ON The French Conection

Run Story By: Mr Magoo

2. The Bush 100th Run

A very bright blue sky greeted me this morning when I finally dragged myself out of the bed.  It was probably going to be a hot one!  I wonder if the hares were out there today laying paper in this heat. The web site said meet at the 2nd road in the usual place outside family Mart and get on the bus for a 2pm departure. Well the bus was full I can tell you. 

Today was going to be special as it was the first of three runs over a Pattaya hashing weekend to celebrate 25 years of Pattaya Monday hashing. We arrived at the Horseshoe Point resort to find a spectacular sign up area that already was packed with people trying to sign up with Ringworm and get a t-shirt of the right size from Wang King. There was even complementary drinks and a waiter.

Not long after the sign up appeared to be over, The Tickler called the circle and dealt with the usual Bush virgins and new shoes. After that it was the hares turn to explain what was to be. It turned out that those people who only wanted to do the short trail were to join Tadpole and get onto the bus for a trip out to the water stop where they would start today’s adventure.

The long runners, well, they were to follow Tampax who led them out of the restaurant area and into the dirt tracks leading out the back of Horseshoe Point and out into the wilderness beyond.  Being brave, I decided that I was going to try and do the long run. Soon after leaving the Horseshoe Point, we headed up towards the hills past Siam Country Club Golf course on our left.

The first check was not long in coming and most went to the left which turned out to be the correct way.  Not long after that the hares caught us out with a 360 degree check which turned out to be a back check. Being a sort of front runner, I do hate those things! After getting back onto the correct trail, we continued up towards the hills making a small ‘loop’  which was probably designed  to bring  the pack together.  I’m not sure this actually worked though.

By this time, a lot of people were suffering from the extreme heat as we had very little shade and a clear blue sky with not a bit of wind. This, along with the gentle climb and soft sand in places made going extremely tough. However, we carried on and eventually entered a small quarry area that led us through long grass and down into a creek (with shade). This came at a good time as we finally had some shelter from the blistering heat!

Although the hares had obviously chopped around a bit in here with a machete, there was still an amount of rather vicious plants that gripped and tore at the skin of both legs and arms. We emerged from this battleground into a Tapioca field only to go back down again almost immediately. After not too long we came up and out into the tapioca field once again and found a check waiting for us on a dirt track with the steep slope of hills just meters away. For heaven’s sake, they were not going to lead us up there were they? It turned out that the true trail led to the right but with a very long back check to the left! Having eventually got back on trail again, we soon found ourselves in yet another creek !

As before, we were not too long inside before we were led back out again once more into the heat. From here, we left the dirt tracks and onto a grassy area that seemed to be designed for running horses. Then it was a quick right, skirting the edge of a ploughed up field before heading down towards the coconut plantations. However, before we got into the welcome shade, we had to cross an area of ground that had been recently burned. Yes you got it, black spiky grass that you were forever tripping over. 

After crossing one or two small dried up streams, we entered a small banana tree plantation and what appeared to be someone’s home and outside bathroom!!! Finally we got onto the dirt tracks again that seemed to go on forever before entering the welcome shade of the coconut trees and then just a bit longer, we came across the beer truck and the much appreciated water stop. By this time we had been out in the heat for around 1 hr and 25 minutes! That was hard work for most people but then this is the bush!

By this time also, the sun was getting very low in the sky and after just 15 minutes at the water stop, we were told that the last section was around 45 minutes and would lead us to the circle area. So, after stuffing ourselves with potato chips, bananas and chocolates along with the odd sip of cold water etc, we took to the trail again. We were told that the paper for this section was all hanging from the trees and not both on the ground and in the trees as in the first section.

Not long after leaving the water stop we came across a back check that we solved fairly rapidly. From there we headed across a small creek and past a small factory before joining a bunch of trees not far from a small tarmac road. Up and over small lumps in the trees we went before diverting around someone’s vegetable patch and across the road down into a large ditch.

Meandering this way and that with the occasional tapioca field diversion, we entered the creek proper which was rather pleasant actually. Here we found a check which obviously went to the left. Soon after solving it, we left the creek to the right and alongside a tapioca field to a wooded area. Here we found another check skirting the trees. This was not a difficult check although it did give us pause. Soon we were running on horseshoe point land which was very nice indeed as within a short time we found a large group of people in the trees already relaxing and enjoying the oncoming dusk. Yes, we made it but only just in time as the night sky was closing in on us rapidly.

At the circle area, we found our bus and also a medium sized open air electric bus that was to shuttle people back and forth between the circle and the car park where people could get changed. Very nicely organized too. The electric bus even went out onto the roads scouring the area for lost and late runners.

With most runners back (with the exception of Yao Yao, and Bam Bam and some people) the circle lights were turned on (courtesey of Horseshoe Point).  I guess by the time the circle started, most people were back from the run.  Being a rather large group, the circle seemed to be more jovial than usual with the old hands taking their turn to hand out punishments. Can’t remember too much about the circle other than that it was fun. And yes, our Hosts Ko and Jate from Horseshoe Point were iced and bucketed along with the rest of us !

Just about the time when the beer was starting to run out, the circle was closed off and we were all transferred back to the Horseshoe point resort swimming pool area were very nice tables etc were arranged by the pool with a rather nice looking buffet ready to accomodate our hunger pangs. There was also a stage area with a welcome banner and some singers entertaining us.

Shortly after most people had had their fill, the singing stopped and a bunch of funny looking people started swallowing fire and bending steel rods with various parts of their anatomy. Most people forgot about eating and seemed to enjoy this bit of strange fun. It seemed to finnish at just the right time and we all made our way back onto the bus for our trip back into Pattaya. I think most people thought the day went very well . I think it was a day that I will remember for a long time.

On On
Mr Magoo

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