REPORT FOR RUN LXXXIX (89)

One of the great assets of the Hash House Harriers is the opportunity to let off steam. Not only physical steam of various forms but emotional and verbal steam also. For example, informed sources report that the honorable pair Ballringer and Bellend, co-hares of Bush Run 89, spent much of the last two weeks camped in a tree house near the “A” site in order to chase away any threat to the precious paper. Ballringer with the lugubrious demeanor and appearance of a doleful bloodhound was, apparently, comfortable in this novel role of hash guard.

            Certain elements of the hash disdainfully dismissed this report, others granted that there may be some truth in it because Ballringer has been behaving oddly over the past few weeks, and a small section said that this dedication to the hash merited a long spell on the ice which is the standard cure for deviant behavior. Jello Butt interjected that it couldn’t be true because only Americans know how to build tree houses now that half the USA has been foreclosed. Ringworm added that tree houses were especially common in Leyton Orient and one of them formed the main stand for Leyton Orient FC.

            And there you have it – a good old hash verbal punch-up and that was before the run. What a glorious institution the Hash is and yes, this was a good run. Ballringer’s efforts, announced with solemnity and total disregard for that one-tenth of humanity that is colorblind, consisted of a sermon about checks that were all the colors of the rainbow, accompanied by the usual jungle noises and cries of “we want virgins.” Amazingly there were actually a couple of female virgins for the testosterone-fuelled pack to salivate over albeit rather large for the Hobbit tendency.

            In a slight but quite refreshing drizzle, the pack creaked into action but soon sorted itself out into FRB’s such as Jello Butt, Roger the SP and others whose names elude me but please write to the Bush Hashmaster and make yourselves known. Panting, the next group of FRB wannabes headed by GI Joe and others trying to recherché du temps perdue.

The early running was pleasant with a firm footing but the mud soon became a factor and running shoes became heavier by a large factor. The variety of running surfaces was a feature as the hash unfolded. From firm paths to sandy surfaces, shaggy bushes to forest trails, there was something for everyone. Checks were carefully calibrated to generally keep the pack together with the back checks successfully telescoping the pack just when it seeded the FRB’s were heading off into the sunset. The last back-check was a beauty that denied the FRB’s from luxuriating in that a moment of triumph they so crave.

That business of the number of checks is a sure-fire way to steam up the hash. No matter what hash it is, the number and appropriateness of the checks is a sure-fire way for runners to let off steam. Too many, not enough, more back-checks, fewer back-checks, more difficult, not difficult enough. All shades of opinion are represented. And to cap it all, Festering Streaker advocates the use of Viagra as a running aid. More details from the GM who holds private consultations on request.