Picture from The Loooong Karamba Dry Run.
It’s the 2nd Saturday in April and we’re off to another Bush-venture from an A-site which was easy to find and not toooo far from town....perfectly selected by Karamba - our hare - far from local housing and onlookers. We did, however, share the A-site with three cows....with facial expressions similar to common onlookers.
By the way, cows at the A-site?? Have you heard the story of a hasher (we will not name him) who staggered into Bangkok-Pattaya’s emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his throat. The doctor asked him what happened.
- “Well”, said the unnamed hasher. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my lady when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.”
- “We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear, so I walked over and lifted up the tail ....and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball.......... stuck right in the middle of the cow's ****. That's when I made my mistake.”
- "What did you do?", asked the doctor.
Well, I lifted the tail and yelled: "Hey, this looks like yours!"
The circle was called and Karamba stressed that everybody should take two or three waters on this short run.....(codeword for a nasty run, I thought) He told us that there are no FT’s, no back-checks.....only surprises. Karamba also had new twist - checks or trail-markers. A red circle with a pin and the first runner were suppose to move the pin outside the circle to show the back-troop that people are in front.
The runners took off, the cows went home and then the late as usual, famous Grob Screw arrived at the A-site. He was a smiling and happy camper!? ....hmm...had he been on a waterstop i Pattaya?? He was the last one out and Bush Hash XXXI was underway.
I joined Jazzer and Karamba to the water stop and an hour later, the first guys in need of liquid showed up. A totally pissed off Fini was in the 2nd group claiming that the french (Lunchbox?) didn’t move the pin. (maybe Fini lost time looking for paper?) After a long waterstop on this super hot Saturday, Karamba talked them all into taking the one hour(?) long run. (They all must have mistaken Karamba for someone else...he doesn’t make short runs !). And, think about it...the heat.....woow!!
But, three runners were missing. A rumor had it that Disgusting had returned to the A-site with Harse Holeo’s lady and Velvet Angel, but we didn’t know...SO, Squid Jazzer volunteered to make the short back-track through a plain grassland to ensure that we didn’t miss them. Karamba and I drove around and found the ladies just around the corner. But, now...Squid Jazzer was missing!! A search team set out to find him in this enormous grass-field (150meter across!) and a half hour later Squid Jazzer was found - caught up in a serious catastrophe.....a serious one... his toes had gotten wet !! The end of the world was near!
We took the ladies back to the A-site and Karamba started food-sampling. (Huge samples too!!) He did admit though that the food was too good fir just one sampling.
About two hours after the water-stop, the worn-down, de-hydrated runners had also made their way back to the A-site and Pissed Pole Dancer prepared a fantastic meal (approved by Karamba) and when the pack had recovered, plenty of food and liquid consumed, Festering Streaker called the circle where the fist order of business was the XIIIth run statue to Odd Job and Meekrob. Smiling Brown Spider was then designated Hash-victim - and, deservedly so - as he lost a hash horn on the last run !!
Then, Miserable C... was appointed surrogate hare since Karamba had to leave.
Another another great Karamba idea was revealed! He had designated prizes for the smallest, the slowest and the fastest runners. We had great fun with that!
The fastest runner was BNB - he got a piggy
The smallest runner was Festering’s daughter - she got a hippo
The slowest runner was Spaghetti Head, but since he had left, Hash-Hash was pointed out. But, someone had observed the truth - Smiling Brown Spider was much slower in climbing up the riverbank next to the A-site - so he got the Turtle.
Festering then called on beautiful Ringworm who started to worm around - like a spaz with a fit - huffing and puffing in a total panic. We managed to calm him down, he got a beer and the huffing ceased..... He took over the circle claiming that he has never been called beautiful before. Possibly true...but adjectives have no meaning on the Bush!
Ringworm’s first order of business was to name Peter Fiddler from the cold north...(he’s from England). (According to Ringworm - any place north of Saraburi is cold-country). Several names were suggested with Sloppy Seconds high on the list, but it was voted down since Squid Jazzer didn’t understand it and he was iced for that as well. Exploding Lemming was selected. Arse Holeo’s lady was brought in and since Ringworm only can count to three (nobody can keep track of our dear Australian’s ladies) - so...she was named Third Holeo.
Oh, I almost forgot. Ringworm was very educational today as well:
“What do you call water at -3 EC ? ..... Ice!!”
“What do you call water at -30 EC ? ..... Ice!!” So, it’s obvious according to scientist Ringworm - we have cold ice!
Then BNB took charge of the auction which brought in 6370 Baht. Good job!
Back to the normal circle. Andreas Mattson from Sweden was named Suicide Bummer. (Rumor has it that he had been named before, but since everybody was drunk then, the naming process was forgotten.
Oh, by the way, have you guys heard the story of the drunk hasher who was brought in front of a judge?
The judge says: "You've been brought here for drinking."
The hasher says: "Okay, let's get started."
Then Fini’s and V.V.’s back-ends were cooled down. It’s a long time since we have had the privilege on the Bush with these guys. Welcome back and please stay on! Fini was then handed the “Bilbo Baggins Award” from last year for “Short People from Quaint Countries” . (Quaint has many meanings - expert, strange, skilled, odd, old-fashioned, weird, elegant... - take it as you wish...all of them fit).
Miserable C... (Karamba’s surrogate) and Pissed Pole Dancer was then iced since Karamba and our great cook had sponsered the new gas-stove - good idea!
And now, to the highlight! The Ugly RA - Hash-Hash!!
Our supreme RA, Hash-Hash, brought in the SINNERS! Charlie for stating he was a good hasher, Fini for being pissed off during the run and P Galore + Lunchbox for talking - SINNERS!
-“Our run is and will remain a fantastic run with everything that goes with it!”
-“It is NOT a race and people should pay attention during the circle.” yelled Hash-Hash. (These could probably be added to our Bush rules - Excellent idea Hash-Hash!
Hash-Hash did a lot of other goodies as well, but I think we should end this section by mentioning his moments with VV at a superior restaurant in town. Hash-Hash ordered, was served and started to eat while VV was in deep thoughts with a massive amounts of talk and gestures to the waiters. Hash-Hash was sure that a massive and impressive meal would show up. But NO, only french fries ! After an eternity with serious study of a 30-page menu, V.V. actually spent more time ordering french fries than the average hasher spend with a date. (But he’s excused...V.V. is also from the quaint country.)
Hash Hero Odd-Job was brought back in for a water down-down - Today’s SDD - Sober Designated Driver! Unbelievable, but true! Then Disgusting and Ringworm was iced for not paying attention and Børge Torkellsen from Norway was named Snakker Norsk. The last thing to mention was the obvious rule 6 violation! Festering had actually observed Exploiding Lemming with his hands far down Weadeater’s pants. They were both iced and mumbled with each other for a long time before the official excuse: “He was removing red ants from my pants” was Weadeater’s excuse! ....Can red ants get in your pants when you run?....AND, why did they hide off-trail for this first-aid procedure. Very suspicious behavior.....and we should be allowed to ask why Festering was crawling through shady bush to get a good look at this!
ON-ON, Red A