Monkey Run #31 May 2011
Hashers from the the furthest and remotest parts of the Kingdom with very un-hash like behavior all arrived early (and with only one no-show, Sheik Meme) at Penny Drops rather swish country house. This enthusiasm allowed us to get the silly part of the day (ie the running) over early and get on to the more serious part of the day sooner (ie beer).
There was a hare brief but I missed it, which was to prove to be a bad mistake on my part later as I wandered about cluelessly with little bits of red stick and later was quite mystified why the paper suddenly stopped – however I was not alone on that one!!
By 1.30 we were all herded onto the transport and up Jesus Hill to the start of the run. Jesus was certainly smiling on our three hares – Penny Drops, Spaghetti Head & Machete Man – that day. Had He not been smiling and it had rained there would likely have been a mutiny on that first third of the “run” – the word “run” does not seem appropriate here, probably leaps of faith as we jumped from boulder to boulder would be more appropriate!
From the start Belly Dancer went off at an impressive pace which changed dramatically when he saw the decent into the ravine. Pussy Snatcher took over the front running with a magnificent display of balance and running prowess (read suicidal) into the gorge.
The pack very quick broke into several distinct groups in the river, with the FRB’s – Alex, HRA, Pussy Snatcher and Alice Yorkshire man (is this the correct person) demonstrating their amazing gazelle like – or should that be goat like – running skills arriving at the first fu%#-up check with enough time to run every possible route – including the 500 metre FT– before the rest of the pack arrived! Meanwhile back at the swimming holes Skid Mark and Lord Lucan were practicing their synchronized swimming routines to the amusement of the local kids. The same kids who were offering advise on climbing techniques to Dog Shit and several others.
Of course there were heroes of the day, and Dizzy who valiantly and selflessly gave up any chance of being FRB’s to rescue Belly Dancer and Dog Shit and guide them out and through to the light.
And there were casualties. Grey Hound (who is more designed for running on fast track than scrambling about in river beds) had a very close and personal encounter with a very large boulder but valiantly soldiered on and V.V. who finally gave in to his foot rot.
There was one uplifting moment in the ravine section, when we left the ravine momentarily to run through a student camp populated by lots of rather cute girls. Rumor has it that this camp has some bearing on the late arrival of several runners at the B stop, but these rumors cannot be confirmed by this correspondent.
Fredo Fuck Bunny impressively tried single-handedly to rip up the red “trip stump” mistaking it for a check-back.
The hares were really quite clever and devious with their running traps. Another example of this would be the electric fences where the warning plastic bags had been cunning moved to inflict maximum damage on runners. Alice Yorshire man???? nearly garroted himself on one of these wires but managed to stop centimeters from the wire.
Nice HRA rearranged the warning plastic bags . However despite all the hares most ardent attempts to maim and cripple the runners all survived (sort of).
The B stop was a very welcome sight after the first major hill of the run. Next time can we have chocolate bars that are not child proof so Bam Bam does not have to suck out the contents through a very small hole.
The second fu*#-up check of the run came right after the B stop. To the amazement of all the paper just stopped. It must have been an amusing site for the 3 hares and the late comers at the B site to watch as 30 or so runners wandered about aimlessly and directionless for a full five minutes while they debated the situation. However one clever hasher – namely Alice Yorkshireman???? – was not fooled and continued silently and stealthily on in the correct direction.
At the first water crossing (or could have been the second - who cares) Dizzy, Belly Dancer and GI Joe very resourcefully in an endeavor to keep their shoes dry paid a boat man to take them across the stream. However the boatman had been paid off by the hares and dropped our fussy runners on island from where they had to swim. At the final water crossing the hares really got tricky – roots and thorns to entangle the runners as they slide into the murky depths.
FRB Pussy Snatcher was the first to get entangled, and there was some concern from the other FRB’s that he was going to slowly get dragged down into the depths. Later Skid Mark, having been warned about this hares trap, threw himself in a Superhero like manner into the water, however as he did both of his calf muscles cramped up and he had to back stroke to the opposite bank.
……and then there was a non aquatic Fingerless who was stupid enough to let Lord Lucan and Rumbled 4 Skin entice him into the murky waters. The pair had carefully strapped him to a bamboo pole and apparently he had been instructed to inflate his Camel Pac with air to keep him afloat. Unfortunately he tried to use the Camel Pak as an aqualung and bit the nipple clean off!
Water hazards seemed to be a major feature of this run!
Then when you think it can’t get any worse the evil hares find the biggest nastiest hill in the area to test our breaking point. For those who did the ball breaker at Inter Hash Borneo last year this hill must have undone months of counseling.
On-on and finally we cross the ridge line and we see Jesus – hallelujah we are almost home from what several mentioned was the toughest run they had ever done. Particularly the ones who were getting back into hashing after several months break!
A big thank you to all involved in putting together this great run, the great food, the great weekend in that great location.
His Royal Anus
Chiang Mai Hash