Well here we are all assembled at the Thistle Bar, Home of the Pattaya Jungle Monkey, the hardy ones are having a breakfast beer, the smart ones like me are having a coffee and trying to wake up.
Our esteemed GM Sheik MeMe is absent this run and our GM’s in waiting are both hares on this run, so as the last GM, the job falls on my shoulders again, so I’m gathering ammunition for the circle later today from the unsuspecting.
Great to see a good contingent is here from our brother hash the Malacca Monkey, including the GM Rasputin, also nice to see they didn’t hit the piss up last night and have managed to drag their arses out of bed and get to the Thistle on time.
Time to head off to the bus, but wait, where is Johnny Tra La La, no bloody bus, apparently the other MONKeys want to use their bus, the cheek of them, just because it’s their bus doesn’t mean we should have to be loading our sorry arse’s into baht buses for the trip to who knows where.
Anyway we eventually have enough baht buses and the down down Changs are loaded and we are off and eading towards Sattahip, should have guessed that, the hares double as the Bang Chang Bar Crawlers in another time and space.
Eventually we arrive at the A site and everyone waters up like a camel and after the group photo, it’s circle up time and virgin Monkeys are welcomed and those silly enough to not wear brightly coloured odd socks have their calf muscles dyed bright odd colours, maybe they will learn after that little Lord Lucan stunt.
Hares in and we get the usual white paper, red checks, dogs and many many snakes and the run starts up the road and we are off.
Bloody hot day today and check number 2 has everyone scattered far and wide and 2 FT’s are found before someone finally finds the true trail, I myself am now eyeing off a largish hill we are now heading towards, but the trail turns away at the base of it and save my aching calf muscles the torture of a hill climb, On On we go, eventually arriving at the first of 2 drink stops today, being a walker I had hardly started to sip on my drink when the FRB’s are up and off again.
Silly bastards should have hung around a little longer with me and gotten the GM’s courtesy short cut directions, as most of them were still running around at a check when I strolled thru under Sukhumvit road and across the railway line.
At this point in the run, I have now deduced where we are heading too, as I had laid a run in the same area earlier in the year and the “Bring your swimming gear and a towel” were dead set give aways, were off to the beach and there is only one in this area we can use for the circle, the temptation to take the shortest route, a straight line is growing stronger by the minute.
Anyway check finally solved we trudge on through a Golf Course housing Village and pop out the other side to the second drink stop.
Shortish break there and then we are led across the road to a high Boundary fence / wall, where the hares have a ladder waiting for us to ascend into the Utapo Airport reserve, so we can act like insurgents breaking into an airbase, everyone manages to scale the fence with the exception of Ball Ringer who thought it was a diving competition, luckily he landed on his head so no damage done there.
Once assembled on the other side hare Spag Head gives us a vague, the trail is in that direction somewhere comment, thanks Shit Head Spag Head, trail finally discovered we are immediately hit with a check and everyone is doing their best headless chicken impersonation again, until someone finally finds the trail, at this point I am now wishing I’d gone with my instincts and taken the aforementioned shortest route.
A 4km slog towards the beach eventually leads us back to the only gateway in the boundary wall, and the FRB’s led by the biggest check sitter in the world Jellobutt, are sitting around in the shade, did I mention how bloody hot it was, I commented that they all have very short memories, because I had a check in exactly the same spot on the ANZAC Day run I laid in the area a few months earlier and headed down the track that leads to the beach.
Suddenly Speedy Gonzales pops out of the trees saying he can’t find any paper, “are you” is the call from behind, “checking” is my call, stuff them I think let the dim wits who can’t remember anything find the paper, suddenly just as Speedy is about to pop down a bank and unknown to him get back on trail, he props and won’t go any further.
Whats wrong I ask, snake says Speedy, I go and take a look and walk straight past it, aren’t you worried about it says Speedy, nope I say, never been bitten by a PLASTIC Snake before, next thing I know that racing bastard Jellobut is trying to push his way past me in his efforts to be the first one to touch the beer truck, will he ever learn it’s not a rac, he’ll pay for that later.
A long run Rumpled Foreskin saying 16+ kms and everyone is very glad we are at the beach, quick cold drink and it’s swim time.
Well that’s as much as I’m going to tell you, if you want to know what happens at a Monkey Circle, then you will need to attend and find out, needless to say we all had a great time, another successful Monkey and it’s On On to Monkey 29 in January 2011
On On Bam Bam