And so it came to pass a communiqué was dispatched to all the Pattaya Hashers who attended the Monkey Run in Malacca “OK boys, which one of us is going to do the run report”? (You will note the use of antipodean penmanship in the missive)
The sudden silent explosive response of hashers rushing to the aid of acting GM was very limited to say the least and so never one to let the truth get in way of a good story let me begin. Crawling from my scratcher at a rather later hour than normal I can see very dark clouds over the Malacca Straight’s and rain lashing against the windows of the Heeren Inn as I look out onto a dismal scene from my room. My thoughts turn to the hares who are presumably trying to lay trail in this maelstrom but these thoughts are soon dispelled – a good breakfast should be the order of the day.
The bus collection point in Malacca was from a place called Cheng Junction and we duly arrived to find a motley collection of Hashers had assembled and were being marshaled onto to the bus by hares Rasputin & Speedy Gonzales. After negotiating potholed and muddy tracks into the edge of a palm plantation the A site was found at Air Salak Point. Here we all disembarked and waited with some trepidation for the ON OUT.
Hashing in Malaysia is taken very seriously and the hares today are very experienced hashers – “it will be long, it will be hard, and it will be wet and also keep checking your balls for leaches”. And they added as a passing statement “any hasher caught swimming will be iced”!
As the pack snaked away into the palm plantation the scribe noted Strawberry and Ranger cavorting into the distance as potential “over achievers”. As we get older hashing with ones brain not ones feet is preferable. Lets these young fit hashers tackle the checks while I keep them in sight and let them know what a good job they are doing. G.I.Joe and Greyhound still imagine they have the potential to be FRB’s but a mixture of color blindness and Alzheimer’s means the poor bastards can’t remember why they are running in a gray world.
The trail followed a set of power lines upwards and then descended to a very nasty open field check – On On left called and a long FT. the trail was eventually found to right. Plenty of back checks kept the pack together until after about an hour on trail we descended into the water. None of it was deep water but the mud in places was knee deep energy sapping stuff. As we emerged from the river we entered the domain of the leaches – hundreds of them were swimming around in the churned up muddy waist deep water. Apache, seen to place his hand to the front of his shorts and hold tightly. Was this self abuse or a way of keeping the leaches out?
After about 90 minutes the pack emerged for a B stop at Bertam Ulu to quickly take on fluids and then run the next 30 minute down hill section to the C site and then a short bus ride onto the D site. (Dizzy and Cowboy seen hand in hand going in the wrong direction)
On arrival at the D site and we face a lunar landscape and head into a sea of clinging mud towards the river. Fortunately we cross via a very distant bridge and then head up towards and across a road and into another palm plantation. Here the pack as been told the Monkey Trail will join with the Orang Utan H3 trail for a 20 min ON IN and to our E site and joint circle with OUH3 at Gangsa.
The circle was presided over by OUH3 GM PACMAN where the visiting Pattaya Monkey Hashers were treated to discriminatory visits to the ice cooler and huge down- down punishments.
The hares were thanked for all their hard work. Indeed, it was a good hard interesting run. Body count unknown at this stage!
Dizzy acting Monkey GM entertained with a song Day’s of the Week. As a finale to the circle all Monkey hashers who completed this grueling hash run were presented with their well earned X1V run shirts.
The ONONON was held at Xiang Yen Restaurant who provided a sumptuous feast of Malay sustenance…. Wonderful food.
The next round was at Ants Bar….location unknown so don’t leave me behind! Subsequent photographs reveal G.I. Joe and the scribe were dressed in women’s apparel at this venue. And the final round was at the Libra Bar in Malacca. I can’t remember getting back to the hotel. However, the hotel owner said it was “very late” when he was roused to unlock the door for the return of the intrepid drunken Monkey five.
On behalf of the PJMH3 hashers who took part in out Malacca outing we thank the OUH3 and very much look forward to returning the favor when some of you are able join us for Run #XV in October
Can’t Do…Don’t Do
ONON Lord Lucan |
