Monkey Run # 13 19th June 2008

Run Report by:

Fowl Fucker

Dear Mum
     Still in Pattaya enjoying the sun.   I went on a Monkey yesterday,---its a run in the jungle and this one was by really really experienced hares  (thats them what lay the trail on the floor). These two men had done so many runs  and were experts at it and had everything down to absalute perfection, but they forgot to get a bus,-- so we had to go in little buses to the start.

  When we got to the start the little buses got angry and wanted more money  so one of the hares took thier numbers and said he would report them to the Army, he said 'Pai'--'Pai' to them so they went. I think he had forgoten that we had to get back?

     Anyway it started with this horrible bald man with a hole in his head and scars on his neck standing up on a pick up and shouting at us,-- as  virgins ( thats a beginer Mum) the horrible man told us to stand on the yellow line in the middle of the road while cars passed and while every one looked at us!! I think they do this to all beginers,-- its a good job we didnt start on the rayong high way !!!.    We had to drink a little glass of water which was no where near enough water to do the run so I got a whole bottle of it while no one was looking.

       Once we got running someone said to me I had blood on my leg., I looked down and one of my calf muscles was hanging off, it must have come loose with the thorn bush I just ran through. Anyway a bit of spit and I stuck it back on,--its ok today. 

     It was really easy run, I thought it was going to be hard but I  think you could have done it in your wheel chair Mum.  One guy told me it was 21 Km.  It was  up and down a bit but nothing too much untill the end when we had to run under the Rayong highyway in the sewers, but the water was nice and cool and I was having a lovelly paddle, but we had to get out and do the last bit through pinapple feilds. They were nice too because as you ran through them they tickled your legs.

  Some one made a mistake and pointed the sticks in the wrong direction,  I  got lost  with a Swedish man that kept falling over a lot which gave me a bit of time to myself, I was thinking I might wallpaper my bedroom when I get home Mum , what do you think.

     After the pinapples and the lovely soft tapioca fields with wet feet and shoes full of sand we went back down the sewer again for another cool paddle and right back to where we started at the beer truck. We didnt know where to go  from there because the hare was paddling in the sewer as well.

     When it was all over we camped in  a lovelly bit of jungle where it was nice and warm and humid with lots of little ants that dripped from the trees,  flies tickled my damaged calf muscle  as they tried to lay magots in me.

     It was funny then Mum because we had to sit on small plastic seats that once you sat on it you couldnt get up and the legs of the stools dissapeared into the mud.

     So any way I got changed into a new shirt that a nice hare gave me with little elastic bits on the  sleeves like a girls blouse, we also got some food,---well,--- bits of bread with magic spoons that didnt get any food out of the little  pots to make sure we didnt eat too much, Phew I was stuffed with just one.

     Then the circle started,-- this is where you get turns to sit on Ice blocks, That was nice I liked that,--I started to think about my wallpaper again.   Lots of people had a go at sitting on ice and they all pointed a finger at them and laughed a lot.

     Then it got really wierd,--- there was this English solicitor totally naked in a nappy talking about himself, he tried very hard to look dignified,- but  he wasnt vey succesful,-- It made me think about wall paper again, he had a very strange name for a solicitor!!

     It was time to go and get some more food but the hares were getting worried because they had forgot about the bus again, so I dived into the back of a pick up refused to get out and sat there untill we arrived.   Then we had some reall good food with spoons, knifes and forks and a plate made of pot.

         I was getting a bit tipsy then so we all had to go home,-- again I jumped into the back of the pick up with about 8 other guys, it was so full of guys and bags that you couldnt sit properly. I had my legs underneath me all the way until I could'nt feel them anymore, but then it started to rain  which was nice and we all got a nice cool shower with the wind and rain blowing very hard in my face. I realy enjoyed that bit and found that if I turned my head to one side I could breath.  When we got in the traffic jams of Pattaya  it started to rain very hard and we all got a reall good wash, this helped to clean off the mud off my face that the back wheels had thrown up.

        We could see the other guys sitting in the cab laughing and drinking beer, but I didnt care because the pain in my legs had  turned into pins and needles and I  like cold water slowly running into my underpants.

     Im ok today and the leg has healed up,-at least you cant see the bone anymore. I will go for a bike ride today and catch up with some exercise.

      PS  Mum next time you are in Woolworths will you see if you can buy odd coloured socks? if you can, will you get me 2 pairs please.  They seem very popular around here.

      Bye Mum