Monkey Run # 10 14th December 2007
Run Report by:
Roger The Sick Prick
Monkey X – The Rasta Monkey
June 10 1940, Marcus Garvey wakes in his West Kensington cottage, walks to the kitchen,
puts the kettle on and sits down to catch up with the world press. Turning a page in the
Chicago Defender he is horrified to read his own premature obituary describing the once
outspoken national activist and adopted idealist of the Rastafari movement as obscure,
broke, unpopular and apparently dead. The shock is enough to trigger a stroke and 52 year
old Garvey keels over and dies, the self fulfilling prophecy of his death lying in print
beside him.
Le bummer, as the French like to say. Meanwhile, on the side of a road somewhere off the
3240 an assortment of strange looking men are called together by our GM and Haile
Selassie for today, Festering Streaker. So begins monkey run part X – the Rasta Monkey.
Looking around, the only hashers slightly resembling Rastafari are Bottomless Pit and
Vietnamese Violator, both sporting a single sweaty dreadlock. Hair in fact, is in short
supply. Split Beaver seems to have shaved his eyebrows to cut wind resistance whilst Air
Head and No Trucking Idea are hiding their comb-overs under cowboy hats. Jackal
assures everyone although running in dress shoes that he is adequately hydrated today.
Virginal monkey hasher Beverly Hills Pink Cock is welcomed and our unholy trinity of
hares GI Joe, Tony Tampax and Up And Down Dick, relay details of the impending run
before pointing everyone off.
Rusty Ringhole and Timmy Tightpants lead us onto the first of many a tricky back check.
Ballringer, running with a hamstring injury is loping away in a pair of pink tights with an
authentic Neanderthal gait to his stride. Also running in pink is Rumpled Foreskin
confident in his sexuality in a gaudy 70’s throwback bandana. The pack continues right
into ploughed fields and down a slippery embankment which has Mr Statler and
Arse-A-Holic on their asses and into a coincidental stream crossing. It is around this point
where Spaghetti Head fearing his legs too short and his feet too dry decides to find an
alternative route and consequently is never seen again. Lord Lucan aka Billy Bullshit is
employing a mix of Navaho tracking skills and his finely homed sixth sense to successfully
navigate checks and stay with the front runners. The sixth sense in this context being a
euphemism for ‘he ran it yesterday’. Wee man Really Sadistic Bastard never far behind,
can be seen shadowing and shortcutting down the occasional rabbit hole. Slow going over
streams and through shiggy keep the pack together as the trail winds round making good
use of pineapple plantations. Heavy breathing duo Wanking and Greyhound are
constantly on my heels. Our Malaysian celebrity Speedy Gonzales finds scent again and
scampers off stringing the pack out and onto the drink stop. First leg an hour ten for the
FRB’s and the pack not far behind.
At the drink stop, soon to be designated diaper Dan for the day No More Cum is explaining
the chandelier swinging circumstances surrounding his damaged back, a likely story. Dizzy
entertains and cracks jokes while the pack assembles and even Are You Sure is gracing us
with his presence today. The second run leg sees much of the same fare taking the pack
through tapioca, high grass and field and onto a good C-site where much monkey
merriment was had. A big thank you to our hares for a good run!
On-On
RTSP
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